Mother's Day is looming ahead and I don't know how I feel about it. Last year, I had been planning to tell my family about the pregnancy on Mother's Day (at least my in-laws), but of course didn't get the chance to do it. I couldn't help but remember how unfair it was that I wasn't able to celebrate it too. I've seen people who were pregnant at the time get a card for mother's day from daddy and the baby and I thought that would have been so sweet.
Now Mother's Day is coming around again, and I still have nothing to show for it. But then I think, why wouldn't I be able to celebrate Mother's Day. Just because I don't have any children living, I still have 2 angels that were supposed to be mine.. were supposed to have names, to have my eyes or daddy's smile... I love those angels just as much as I will love any children I might have down the road... so why can't mother's day be for all mothers... even those who have lost their children? My child was still born, just too early... doesn't it count too?
I do know there is an International Bereaved Mother's Day some time, but geez, how sad does that sound. Bereaved... But I want to celebrate my children too and why can't I? I'm guessing getting a Mother's Day card when not even having anything to show for it might seem a little odd... and I get it. But I do know that this mother's day is not going to be easy. It's going to remind me that I should have had a 5 month old with me, that I would be getting flowers and a card from daddy and baby, and that I would have joined the ranks of all those mothers out there who have kids. But it's not going to happen. Who wants to celebrate something that never was?
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