If Only I Knew Earlier

After my last post, I had found out that I was, in fact, pregnant. After that last BFN (big fat negative) I didn't test again. My period came right on time, the husband got the sperm analysis and I got Clomid.

How on earth did I find out I was pregnant? By chance.. no other way to put it. I had temperatures that were still up and after one day of Clomid was wondering about the side effects I was feeling. By chance, I tested one morning just for the heck of it and was utterly surprised that I had a positive pregnancy test. Then I started spotting.

I knew for a glorious 8 days (double the length of time I knew for my first angel). I was so excited and so happy. Stu ordered me a shirt that said "Nothing Says Lovin Like a Bun in the Oven".. too bad I couldn't wear it because I lost my baby, again.

Unfortunately, the words that keep coming back to me even after all this time, was I wish I knew earlier... I wish I could have had those extra few days knowing I was supposed to be a mom. I wish I had a few more days to discuss how the baby's room would look, or telling my husband again that he was going to be a daddy.

But again, fate intervened and didn't let me know earlier, it let me know too late.

The Journey Continues: Bring on the Guns

I have just tested at 12dpo on my 7th cycle with a big, freaking, negative. I'm just mad right now. Left and right there are women getting pregnant.. I go onto facebook and all I see are belly bumps and ultrasounds and "My water broke", new baby photos and all the hooplah that goes along with it.

Frankly, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the "are you pregnant yet"? Or even all the "well you know all you have to do is" (insert advice that I've already tried here) ____________________. Sick of it.

Now we are on to a sperm analysis for the husband and Clomid for me. This is unbelievable. What I thought would take maybe 6 months is turning into a nightmare. I just want to see those two pink lines. Is that too much to ask for?

Christmas is Coming

So this is our third month of trying to conceive. Our first month was in October and I was so excited to start trying! I have mixed thoughts on how long it will take us to get pregnant, some days I'm more optimistic than others. But only being on cycle 3, is not too bad.

My friend recently told me she was pregnant. She and her husband weren't exactly trying to have a baby and I guess it "just happened". I was really upset and it took me for a loop on how upset I was. I think that maybe it was because I was supposed to be the one with big announcement around the holidays-not her. I felt like she stole my non-existent thunder! I feel much better about it now because she truly deserves a baby just as much as I do and I'm glad it didn't take them long.

Two days before Christmas and I'm still in a mad rush to get shopping finished for everyone! I really hope this holiday season brings us the biggest gift of all!!! I will be testing (if I can hold out) New Year's Day.